i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
