What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
