She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
