Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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