Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't notice because vodka
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
