just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
