so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
