I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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