Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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