in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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