I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
