you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
