you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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