fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
