addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
