Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
