It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
