The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
