So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
