ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
