i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
