Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
