Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
