You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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