Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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