Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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