Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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