The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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