i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
