More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
