just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
