its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
