you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
