are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
