she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
