Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
