hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
