so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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