dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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