it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
