She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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