Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
