I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
