we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
