Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
