before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
