I wish I could punch you in the face.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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