He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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