fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
