I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i would punch a child for taco bell
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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